Funny One Liner Jokes

Funny One Liner Jokes Nothing gives a good laugh better than these one liner jokes as they not only make a good punchline but are also very hilarious. Scroll down the page and check out these amazing and Funny One Liner Jokes that would make you laugh to the core.

Funny One Liner Jokes

Want to start your day with a laugh well then you should definitely take a glimpse at these Funny One Liner Jokes that would make your entire day happier. It is hard to find people not laughing at some random jokes said by anyone. As we all know laughter is the best medicine let us start our day by having a small dose of this medicine with these amazing and funny Jokes. Here is a list of some corny and Funny Jokes that will be great for every occasion. Just scroll down and read through to have some good laughs.

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Best One Liner Jokes

A joke is something said or done to make you laugh which may not be true but maybe funny. Jokes always leave a smile on our faces. These jokes can be short and corny and make us chuckle too.

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1. Did you hear they arrested the devil? Yeah, they got him on possession.

2. What did one DNA say to the other DNA? “Do these genes make me look fat?”

3. My IQ test results came back. They were negative.

4. What do you get when you cross a polar bear with a seal? A polar bear.

5. Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up literally everything.

6. Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine.

Funny One Liner Jokes, 100 Best One Liner Jokes Of All Time

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7. What do you call a hippie’s wife? Mississippi.

8. What’s the difference between an outlaw and an in-law? Outlaws are wanted.

9. Scientists have recently discovered a food that greatly reduces sex drive. It’s called wedding cake.

10. Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with a slow Internet connection to see who they really are.

11. I never knew what happiness was until I got married—and then it was too late.

12. Some men say they don’t wear their wedding band because it cuts off circulation. Well, that’s the point, isn’t it?

13. Advice to husbands: Try praising your wife now and then, even if it does startle her at first.

14. Did you hear about the shepherd who drove his sheep through town? He was given a ticket for making a ewe turn.

15. What happens to an illegally parked frog? It gets toad away.

16. How does the man in the moon get his hair cut? Eclipse it.

17. What do you call a blonde with half a brain? Gifted.

18. Why are so many blonde jokes one-liners? So brunettes can remember them.

19. Our child has a great deal of willpower—and even more won’t power.

20. Among the things that are so simple even a child can operate them are parents.

21. Why aren’t dogs good dancers? Because they have two left feet.

22. What’s a dog’s favorite homework assignment? A lab report.

23. Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens? All they said was, “Bach, Bach, Bach…”

24. Of course I wouldn’t say anything about her unless I could say something good. And, oh boy, is this good…

25. When he talks, it isn’t a conversation. It’s a filibuster.

26. She leaves me with the feeling that when we bury the hatchet she’ll mark the exact spot.

27. You can’t believe everything you hear—but you can repeat it.

28. There’s a lot to be said in his favor, but it’s not nearly as interesting.

29. They’ve been treating me like one of the family, and I’ve put up with it for as long as I can.

30. Why did the parents not like their son’s biology teacher? He had skeletons in his closet.

31. Their first daughter was born with a silver spoon in her mouth. Now they’re hoping for triplets so they can have a whole set.

32. I spent a lot of time, money, and effort childproofing my house … but the kids still get in.

33. Small son sitting on Daddy’s lap: “I’m still confused. Was I born in a nest or a hive?”

34. A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

35. My mother was so surprised when I told her I was born again. She said she didn’t feel a thing!

36. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

Funny One Liner Jokes, 100 Best One Liner Jokes Of All Time

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37. What did one cannibal say to the other while they were eating a clown? “Does this taste funny to you?”

38. What do you call a mobster who’s buried in cement? A hardened criminal.

39. What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall? Dam!

40. What do you need in order to make a small fortune on Wall Street? A large fortune.

41. One of the oddities of Wall Street is that the dealer, not the customer, is the broker.

42. A rich man is 0ne who isn’t afraid to ask the clerk to show him something cheaper.

43. If you take $2 out of an ATM that has a $2.50 fee, do you owe the machine money?

44. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Nobel. Nobel who? Nobel, so I knock knocked.

45. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Alabama. Anybody with you? Nope. I’m Alabama self.

46. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ayatollah. Ayatollah who? Ayatollah you already.

47. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Control freak. Now you say, “Control freak who?”

48. The reason some politicians like to stand on their record is to keep voters from examining it.

49. The insomnia patient was such a fervent vegetarian that he counted carrots jumping over a fence.

50. My father is allergic to cotton. He has pills he can take, but he can’t get them out of the bottle.

One Liner Dad Jokes

1. I have a fear of speed bumps. I'm slowly getting over it.

2. I have a fear of elevators, but I've started taking steps to avoid it.

3. I was addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.

4. I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.

5. (Reversing the car) "Ahh, this takes me back."

6. (Holding a step ladder) "This is my step ladder... I never knew my real ladder."

7. Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera.

Funny One Liner Jokes, 100 Best One Liner Jokes Of All Time

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8. Time to take this cookie to the hospital. It’s feeling crummy.

9. It takes guts to be an organ donor.

10. I could tell a joke about pizza, but it's a little cheesy.

11. Hey Maths - grow up and solve your own problems.

12. I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.

13. Sundays are always a little sad, but the day before is a sadder day.

14. Dogs can’t operate MRI machines. But catscan.

15. My dad told me a joke about boxing. I guess I missed the punch line.

16. I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.

17. What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? So-fish-ticated.

18. I once had a dream I was floating in an ocean of orange soda. It was more of a fanta-sea.

19. I told your mother she drew on her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.

20. My son asked me to put his shoes on, but I don’t think they’ll fit me.

21. I've got a great joke about construction, but I'm still working on it.

22. Sore throats are a pain in the neck.

23. I made a pencil with two erasers - it was pointless.

24. Did you know the Pope’s favourite scent is Pope-pourri?

25. I just got a promotion at the farm. Now I’m the C-I-E-I-O.

26. I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.

Funny One Liner Jokes, 100 Best One Liner Jokes Of All Time

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27. When I die, I want to be cremated. It’s my last chance to have a smokin’ hot body.

28. To the person who stole my place in the queue. I’m after you now.

29. My printer’s name is Bob Marley. Because it’s always jammin’.

30. It's inappropriate to make a 'dad joke' if you're not a dad. It's a faux pa.

What Is One Liner Jokes?

I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off!

Money talks. Mine always says goodbye.

I went to see the doctor about my short-term memory problems — the first thing he did was make me pay in advance.

You have two parts of the brain, “left” and “right”. On the left side, there’s nothing right and on the right side, there’s nothing left.

Why do bees hum? They don’t remember the lyrics!

I have a dog to provide me with unconditional love, but I also have a cat to remind me that I don’t deserve it. It’s all about balance.

Don’t spell part backward. It’s a trap.

Funny One Liner Jokes, 100 Best One Liner Jokes Of All Time

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Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.

Is your bottom jealous of the amount of crap that comes out of your mouth?

There’s a new restaurant called Karma. There’s no menu. You get what you deserve.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side got amputated? He’s all right now.

Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot.

I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears, people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.

I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of chapstick. She still isn’t talking to me.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.

I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

R.I.P boiled water. You will be mist.

Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families, and careers.

I got a new pair of gloves today, but they’re both lefts which, on the one hand, is great, but on the other, it’s just not right.

My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline. She hit the roof.

What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He didn’t get hurt because it was a soft drink.

The future, the present, and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.

At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog that he’s adopted?

I just found out that I’m colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.

My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture. I have a hunch, it might be me.

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

Smoking will kill you… bacon will kill you… and yet, smoking bacon will cure it.

I was addicted to the hokey pokey… but thankfully, I turned myself around.

Did Noah include termites on the ark?

The man who created autocorrect has died. Restaurant in peace.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.

My wife likes it when I blow air on her when she’s hot, but honestly… I’m not a fan.

I really hate Russian dolls, they’re so full of themselves.

The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself, “This changes everything.”

I refused to believe the road worker was stealing from his job, but when I went to his home, all the signs were there.

I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner — all it was doing was gathering dust.

PMS jokes are not funny — period!

Where there’s a will, there’s a relative.

It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs — they’re always taking things literally.

I like to hold hands at the movies, which always seems to startle strangers.

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